Uglyoldwoman

I am still ever so slowly deleting my deviantart photos.  Five more gone today.  As time goes by I find it easier to let them go. Eventually, I will delete the page.  Once 7 plus pages of photos - now one page.  It has taken me a long time but each time I come back I find it easier to delete.  I don't know the woman in those photos anymore.  She is a stranger to me. I am no longer sure if I am glad I explored this side of me.   Though it was liberating and gratifying at the time - I now realize how immensely destructive my exploration was to my relationship and my life. You are free to choose BUT you are not free from the consequence of you

I am pretty certain this chapter of my life is now closed.   A lot of things came crashing together a year plus ago that made me realize this part of me needed to go back in a box.  One -I posed for a photographer and the pics he took made me realize I have been kidding myself.  UOW is a perfect name for me.  I have no business taking nude photos.  Two -I met with a photography instructor who told me that because of a certain issue that I have - I will never be a good photographer.  I tried to pretend that he was wrong but... he wasn't.  Three -My husband was not comfortable with me taking photos and about other things about me that will go u

I checked my stats today and saw 919 watchers.  Wow.  That surprised me.   When I first started my AGING SUCKS project I didn't think anyone would look at my aging body.  Now three years down the line and a few hundred photos later I see that there are quite a few warped individuals out there who look- time and time again.  :-P I have had a lot of hard knocks in 2014 the biggest being the loss of my sister and friend.  Relationships struggles.  Personal shame.  Guilt.  Hurt.  It seems there is no end or correction for what ails me without turning my life upside down.  So... I remain unhappy to try to keep those around me stable and happy.  I